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Friday, November 22, 2013

Okay, so this cancer thing isn't going to be as uncomplicated as I thought......

So, I'm having a little meltdown tonight. I met my Oncology doctor today and today is the day that I found out what stage my colon cancer is. And it wasn't as good as I thought it would be. Stage IIIc. Wow. That's a tough one to write. The house is asleep now, and suddenly my stupid brain decides that after holding everything together quite nicely, thank you, now is the time for a meltdown. I guess I meltdown better in private anyway. If you've come here from my Facebook page, and you're one of my old friends, thank you for indulging me. . Maybe I should 'splain this blog.
Some years ago, I discovered that publishers would actually GIVE me books that weren't yet published if I wrote a review of the book. Yeah...I'm still a massive bookworm nerd...that never changed. I was in book heaven. After a few years, though, the books started to pile up, there was no way to keep up with the stacks of books I was being sent, and really, it was starting to feel like a job or an obligation. I sort of just stopped. Oh I read as much if not more, but I stopped reviewing. I always intended to come back though, so I kept the blog alive. *shrug...well, I suppose I'll really have a lot of time to review now, with not much energy to anything else.
So, you may have read my previous rambling epistle. The one I wrote prior to surgery. The one where I was gonna make Colon cancer my bitch. Okay....it might be a little harder to do that than I thought it would. But whilst melting down and trying not to wake up my husband with my oh so ladylike sniffles....(think geese honking as they fly south for the winter), I realized that what I really needed to do, was get some of my thoughts written down. I'll post about my 'adventure"...."experience"....hell, I don't' even know what to call these self indulgent posts. But I think they'll help me, and I know it's hokey...but if one person finds them helpful in their own ....whatever this crap is called...I'd feel pretty good about it.
Stage 3C. That just keeps echoing in my brain. 3 frickin' C!!! For cryin' out loud!!! How the hell does a person go for a routine colonoscopy with NO symptoms and end up a 3C malignancy??? And believe me...I've wracked my brain trying to pick out some symptom I ignored. And I've got nuthin'. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Not to be crude....but you could set a clock by my pooper. I'm the most regular person I know. And I have a cast iron gut. The only thing that consistently will make me sick is Carls Jr. food. (Sorry Carl...but facts is facts...) So that's what keeps bouncing around the old brain pan. How the hell did I get here??
Well, I believe I have sufficiently vented to my blog to get some sleep. Got the schnozz blown and cleaned out...eyes wiped. Thanks for indulging me...onward, people....always onward!!


rhapsodyinbooks said...

People have posted meltdowns for much less! But the book blogging community will be here for you at all times, any time you want to vent or whatever. What can one say except to be behind you, and rooting for you, and wishing for good ….

Anonymous said...

I will be a frequent flyer to this blog, Kelly! Readers will be here for you! Vent away girl!!! Take care and I can just see you hammering this out, with Kleenex in hand. I would do the same thing. Take strength in others love and concern.

bermudaonion said...

It sounds like a melt down was in order. I know you can beat this thing, though. Vent all you want!!