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Monday, December 16, 2013

PET scans can be weirdly relaxing......

There is something surreal about lying in a pet scanner. I've graduated from CT scan to PET scan, when my CT showed a couple weird little things that *ahem, "given your history....we should follow up on...." sigh. Really? And not to freak you out or anything, but "we got it authorized and scheduled in 10 minutes and it will be two days from now...." um....ooookay....If a person could forget about why they have to have a PET scan though, they're actually sort of relaxing. I had to sit in a nice comfy recliner in a dimly lit room for an hour whilst the radioactive isotope meandered through my body. I had my Kindle, so I was a happy camper. The scan itself takes a long time. I would move by 3 inch increments into the scanner and it would take about 4 minutes per slice. All total, I think I was in the machine for about 45 minutes. Now, once more, I wait. And at this point...good news...or bad news...I just can't stand much more waiting.
I think (if the PET scan results are okay) that I may be starting my treatments as early as next week. I know...I know...it's Christmas. And I know my kids and mom in law would all like it if I postponed, but I'm just chompin at the bit to kill these little bastard cells before they kill me. AND the sooner I start, the sooner I finish.
It's so strange. Shouldn't I look sick? Or feel sick? I mean...at the least I have stage IIIc cancer, and if the PET sucks...I'll get boosted to stage IV. (Yeah...THAT freaks me out.....) I keep thinking to myself...shouldn't I feel something, other than normal? I mean, I've still got a little post op discomfort...nothing the occasional Aleve can't handle. And I still don't quite have the same energy level as the day before surgery, but that's supposed to be normal for four weeks post major surgery. Someone last week said to me, "Life really changed when you got sick, didn't it?" And it actually took me a minute to figure out what the hell she was saying to me. I'm not sick. Really...I feel fine. Although it does sound counter intuitive to say, "I have cancer, but I'm not sick." Hmm....oh well, been reading up on chemo/radiation (first step for me---Xeloda and radiation 5 days a week for 6-7 weeks) and then traditional chemo...(8 rounds folfox 6) and it sounds like I'll be feeling crappy enough pretty soon. No way around that so what the hell....embrace the suck.
I'm sorta hoping chemo/radiation leaves me with a super power........